Doubt Your Doubts Before You Doubt Your Faith

I had a rough week. One of those where some of the things that made it rough are impossible to pinpoint, but had an impact, nonetheless. I had been struggling (for a lack of a better word) at work. I got offered another job and had to decide as soon as possible if I wanted it. I had school everyday on top of that, and having to learn how to work with clients who seemed unhappy no matter how things turned out. It wasnt bad by any means. Just rough. And I didn't have Mike to talk to. I talk to him about everything. And this whole job situation will be a game changer in our life together, so I felt as though I needed to talk to him.

After deciding to accept the job before discussing it with him, I began to second guess myself. I had prayed so many prayers, fasted, and wrote down the pros and cons of everything so as to thoroughly narrow it down. The Lord knew what I needed to do, and even though my nerves were begging me to say "no", the Lord prodded me, directed me into saying "yes". I never thought I'd leave this company I work for before I finished school. I thought I would just force myself to work with coworkers who knew how to push my buttons, work all day in a kitchen and leave smelling like grease, and waking up before I felt like I could. So many thoughts were running through my mind, so many nerves unsure of what the outcome was going to be. What if I take the job and it turns out I hate it? What if I take the job and they don't like me? What if it turns out things could have gotten better at my current job? So many "what if's" that I didn't stop to think "what's next?"

--Erica Jong--

After feeling so emotionally broken, and exhausted, and just done with what I'm doing now, and other things going on in my life, I realized- I owe this to myself. Who cares what people will say? What people will think? I'm not living in their world. I'm living in His world, and if He encourages me to do this, if He is leading me in this direction, why shouldn't I listen?

I discussed all of this with Mike during his PDay this last Sunday night, and he was so excited. And I felt so relieved! Its a big step out of my comfort zone for me, but it's an important step in our future. I was so scared of what he would think of a little thought that came to my mind, one that affected both of us. A thought I couldn't erase, thoughts of what would happen when he came home, and hopefully even before. I love the feeling of relief that came over me at that moment when I read some important words:

"Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith. So babe, doubt your doubts before you doubt yourself. Doubt them before you doubt me. Doubt them before you doubt our eternal freindship."

How true are those words? How can I doubt my faith, and my belief that I was being guided by my Heavenly Father to make this incredibly scary (for me) jump? It's a saying I have heard many times before, but right then and there, in that moment, it's exactly what I needed to hear. How right could he be? What are those doubts filling my mind? In my heart, I know it's another source, one trying to drag me back down to his level, and doubt what I have believed for so long.

I will not doubt my faith. Instead, I will strive forth. I will be someone Mike is proud of. I will be someone my family is proud of. I will be someone He is proud of.

...and I will do my best.

Eternally Yours,

--Kortney

On a side note: I love my life. I am so grateful for the tender mercies of the Lord, who grants me daily blessings. I am thankful for the amazing man He put into my life so that I may find how true love and true joy really feels. I am thankful for so much in this life. So much, that I know I am forever in His debt. Here's my happiness from this week:

Package from Mike!! The littlest gifts, the smallest notes-- they are priceless.
PLUS- His momma bought me some summer fun in a box. These two are amazing!

 

Typical MG with a typical MG countdown.
No shame.

Shikoba Nabajyotisaikia

You guys!! FIVE MONTHS DOWN!! I have never been such a huge fan of subtraction until this countdown started. We are almost a quarter of the way done, and I've never been more proud of anyone before. 

{End of corny excitement.}


"Shokoba Nabajyotisaikia!"

Kind of sounds like I'm just blabbering, right? Well, this time around, I'm not. (Not completely, anyway.) "Nabajyotisaikia" is a compliment used in South Africa. It means: "I respect you, I cherish you. You matter to me." In response, people say, "Shikoba," which is: "So I exist for you."

In a story a friend had shared on Facebook, in an African village, if a person commits a crime, the rest of the village surrounds that person, and repeat these words, and good things about them, until they begin to fully believe and understand it. 

And, of course, as I'm sure all of you already know, my thoughts immediately turned to Mike. As I emailed him last week, I shared with him that story. When I said to Mike "Nabajyotisaikia," his response was, "Shikoba, for eternity." {Aww, corny, right? I know. But I wasn't about to complain, and he didn't sound like it, either.} I love that, though. Helping people through positive thinking. Making them see the light without harm or negative words. I believe that every single one of us have struggled at least once in our lives, and I know that for me, positivity from others is what brought happiness back into my life. We all have ups, we all have downs, but the happiness that positive thinking can bring is amazing. I know that Mikey has struggled a bit throughout this journey, and it breaks my heart. But not once have I found myself wanting to send messages of sadness in return. How can you help uplift someone in that way? It seems to me that it would just encourage the feelings to stay. Instead, in response to his sadness, struggles, or any hardships, I share words of excitement and encouragement. Share a scripture. Share an inspiring quote. Just be positive. After all, it's better to hope for positivity to rub off onto someone else rather than negativity. 

In this life, we aren't meant to be alone. We aren't meant to suffer through our lives. We are meant to turn our faith to our Lord, and strive to live our lives in the best possible way. We all make mistakes. {If you try to say you never have, that, right there, my friend, is a mistake in and of itself.} All we can do is work to better ourselves, and pray that it has a positive effect on those around you.

Strive to be Christlike. Even if you don't believe, what's it going to hurt?

Eternally yours,
--K--