Doubt Your Doubts Before You Doubt Your Faith

I had a rough week. One of those where some of the things that made it rough are impossible to pinpoint, but had an impact, nonetheless. I had been struggling (for a lack of a better word) at work. I got offered another job and had to decide as soon as possible if I wanted it. I had school everyday on top of that, and having to learn how to work with clients who seemed unhappy no matter how things turned out. It wasnt bad by any means. Just rough. And I didn't have Mike to talk to. I talk to him about everything. And this whole job situation will be a game changer in our life together, so I felt as though I needed to talk to him.

After deciding to accept the job before discussing it with him, I began to second guess myself. I had prayed so many prayers, fasted, and wrote down the pros and cons of everything so as to thoroughly narrow it down. The Lord knew what I needed to do, and even though my nerves were begging me to say "no", the Lord prodded me, directed me into saying "yes". I never thought I'd leave this company I work for before I finished school. I thought I would just force myself to work with coworkers who knew how to push my buttons, work all day in a kitchen and leave smelling like grease, and waking up before I felt like I could. So many thoughts were running through my mind, so many nerves unsure of what the outcome was going to be. What if I take the job and it turns out I hate it? What if I take the job and they don't like me? What if it turns out things could have gotten better at my current job? So many "what if's" that I didn't stop to think "what's next?"

--Erica Jong--

After feeling so emotionally broken, and exhausted, and just done with what I'm doing now, and other things going on in my life, I realized- I owe this to myself. Who cares what people will say? What people will think? I'm not living in their world. I'm living in His world, and if He encourages me to do this, if He is leading me in this direction, why shouldn't I listen?

I discussed all of this with Mike during his PDay this last Sunday night, and he was so excited. And I felt so relieved! Its a big step out of my comfort zone for me, but it's an important step in our future. I was so scared of what he would think of a little thought that came to my mind, one that affected both of us. A thought I couldn't erase, thoughts of what would happen when he came home, and hopefully even before. I love the feeling of relief that came over me at that moment when I read some important words:

"Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith. So babe, doubt your doubts before you doubt yourself. Doubt them before you doubt me. Doubt them before you doubt our eternal freindship."

How true are those words? How can I doubt my faith, and my belief that I was being guided by my Heavenly Father to make this incredibly scary (for me) jump? It's a saying I have heard many times before, but right then and there, in that moment, it's exactly what I needed to hear. How right could he be? What are those doubts filling my mind? In my heart, I know it's another source, one trying to drag me back down to his level, and doubt what I have believed for so long.

I will not doubt my faith. Instead, I will strive forth. I will be someone Mike is proud of. I will be someone my family is proud of. I will be someone He is proud of.

...and I will do my best.

Eternally Yours,

--Kortney

On a side note: I love my life. I am so grateful for the tender mercies of the Lord, who grants me daily blessings. I am thankful for the amazing man He put into my life so that I may find how true love and true joy really feels. I am thankful for so much in this life. So much, that I know I am forever in His debt. Here's my happiness from this week:

Package from Mike!! The littlest gifts, the smallest notes-- they are priceless.
PLUS- His momma bought me some summer fun in a box. These two are amazing!

 

Typical MG with a typical MG countdown.
No shame.

Shikoba Nabajyotisaikia

You guys!! FIVE MONTHS DOWN!! I have never been such a huge fan of subtraction until this countdown started. We are almost a quarter of the way done, and I've never been more proud of anyone before. 

{End of corny excitement.}


"Shokoba Nabajyotisaikia!"

Kind of sounds like I'm just blabbering, right? Well, this time around, I'm not. (Not completely, anyway.) "Nabajyotisaikia" is a compliment used in South Africa. It means: "I respect you, I cherish you. You matter to me." In response, people say, "Shikoba," which is: "So I exist for you."

In a story a friend had shared on Facebook, in an African village, if a person commits a crime, the rest of the village surrounds that person, and repeat these words, and good things about them, until they begin to fully believe and understand it. 

And, of course, as I'm sure all of you already know, my thoughts immediately turned to Mike. As I emailed him last week, I shared with him that story. When I said to Mike "Nabajyotisaikia," his response was, "Shikoba, for eternity." {Aww, corny, right? I know. But I wasn't about to complain, and he didn't sound like it, either.} I love that, though. Helping people through positive thinking. Making them see the light without harm or negative words. I believe that every single one of us have struggled at least once in our lives, and I know that for me, positivity from others is what brought happiness back into my life. We all have ups, we all have downs, but the happiness that positive thinking can bring is amazing. I know that Mikey has struggled a bit throughout this journey, and it breaks my heart. But not once have I found myself wanting to send messages of sadness in return. How can you help uplift someone in that way? It seems to me that it would just encourage the feelings to stay. Instead, in response to his sadness, struggles, or any hardships, I share words of excitement and encouragement. Share a scripture. Share an inspiring quote. Just be positive. After all, it's better to hope for positivity to rub off onto someone else rather than negativity. 

In this life, we aren't meant to be alone. We aren't meant to suffer through our lives. We are meant to turn our faith to our Lord, and strive to live our lives in the best possible way. We all make mistakes. {If you try to say you never have, that, right there, my friend, is a mistake in and of itself.} All we can do is work to better ourselves, and pray that it has a positive effect on those around you.

Strive to be Christlike. Even if you don't believe, what's it going to hurt?

Eternally yours,
--K--

Skype. {Need I Say More?}

Mother's Day: one of the few days out of the 2 year wait that every missionary mom and girlfriend long for. Who doesn't want a Skype date with their boy?! I was so blessed to be able to be a part of the Skype call this last Sunday {His parents let me intrude-- I didn't argue.} He looked so good! I know he struggles sometimes, and it breaks my heart to see and hear him get so hard on himself, but I can tell he loves Russia! He will grow into being comfortable as a missionary and he is going to teach those beautiful people so many amazing things.

When the time came to Skype, the minutes starting to tick by SO. SLOW. I don't know how many times I changed my shirt, my hair, my makeup. {Multiple times, people!} And what did I end up wearing? Hair down, leggings and his tee. Simple, right? Plain Jane? Yeah... And I still felt nervous! I don't even know how to explain it. I was afraid he would remember something that wasn't {does that make sense?}, but then, here this kid was, looking at me while we're with his parents on Skype, and he asks me why I'm so cute. Talk about a blushing Kortney. Holy heavens. 

{|Ready and SO excited to Skype!|}

But, we're not here about me. This is all about this guy:

{|Such a breath of fresh air!|}

I can't even put my excitement into words. This man of God is so amazing. He makes me feel so honored to be called his, and I can't imagine having it any other way. This is such an amazing, crazy, thrilling ride, and I wouldn't change it for a second. 

I know this church is true. I know that Jesus Christ died for me that I may be here today, living this gospel. I know that Joseph Smith made it possible for us to have The Book of Mormon. So many people sacrificed so much for us, for ME, a single person who makes mistakes daily. It's incredible to know how important one soul can be. I know my Heavenly Father lives, and loves me, too. I couldn't imagine my life today without this gospel. I have made mistakes, some that are hard to come to terms with. They are things that I have been given the opportunity to repent of. I don't have to have guilt and worry and concern held over my head for the rest of my life: the Lord knows our hearts. He knows our intentions. He is always there for us to turn to. There is no doubt in my mind that this gospel has made me a better person. I have found Mike because of it. And now, he gets to spread the word. There is nowhere else I would want him to be right now. He won't be gone forever. He will come home. I know the Lord has taken him to where he is needed. And I know that when he returns, we can finally start planning our future together.

I love this gospel. I love this church. There is nothing about it I would ever give up. And so many other people have the opportunity to hear about it, and live it, because of young people like Mike, sacrificing up to 2 years of their lives, putting everything on hold, to serve our Almighty. It's simply incredible, and I owe so much to all of them. But for now, thank you. Will that get far? Probably not. Will more than 5 people ever read this? Who knows. But for those who do, learn to be thankful to those who are willing to sacrifice for you, no matter what it is, or who. I know I am incapable of putting it all into words, and I don't show it hardly enough, but my heart is so full of gratitude, for my Savior, for my Lord, and especially today, for Mike.

{|This kid, though. Like, seriously. Look at that smile.
Excuse me for a moment while I swoon...|}

And if there were anything I could tell Mike right now, aside from the obvious "I love you," it would be that he truly is my greatest adventure. I have no clue who or where I would be if it weren't for him. He has brought me so much joy, so much happiness, and so much curiosity, how can I resist? Never did I think I would ever deserve a love from a man like Mike, and yet, here I am. 4 months into this mission journey, and we're both hanging on. I won't let him slip away. That's the WORST possible mistake I could ever make.  

{|I can't even put it all into words.|}

Eternally yours,

-K-

P.S.

Go and do amazing things. 

You are far more than capable. 

Capturing the Moment

I love photography. It's such an amazing opportunity to capture the simple beauties in life. I love capturing candid moments any chance I get. I don't want to pursue it as a career, but it's one of the best things I use to get my mind off of things. 

Here are a few, take a peek!

Howard and Virginia, 2013

Couple photos are seriously the cutest, especially at this stage in their lives. Howard and Virginia are one of the cutest older couples I have ever seen. The love they have for each other is definitely something to look up to. And hearing their life stories: amazing. 

Amanda and Violet, 2013

Baby pictures. Need I say more? Cute little chubby cheeks and drooly little mouths. Adorable little balls of mess. Violet and her momma are so fun to photograph. A couple of my favorite girls! 

Damon and Desmond, 2013

Des' first birthday photos! So, so fun watching siblings interact. And they're stinking precious. Love these two. 

Victoria, 2014

I absolutely love to take pictures like Victoria's, with more of a model, magazine type feel. Eyes are my number one favorite thing to photograph. So much detail, and they can be inviting, fierce, intense... The eyes show so much emotion. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE.

I try to take pictures as much as possible, when I have free time. You are more than welcome to check out (and "like"!) my photography page on Facebook! 

facebook.com/kortneylynn.photography

Happy Sunday! 

Eternally yours,

--K--

Eternally Yours

Since I've made it well known that Mike is away serving a mission, I figured I would post some fun little things happening with both of us since he left. But, because Mike is in Russia, and I'm guessing just his specific missions rules, I'm not allowed to post photos  of him, or any other photos that have taken place in Russia itself. Only the MTC in Provo and Madrid. Sucks, right? Yeah, I know.

But, alas! Feast your eyes on some fun along the way!

Elder McCallum entering the MTC!

I was so blessed to be able to talk to him over the phone as he was on his way there. He just kept comforting me, telling me everything was going to be perfectly fine. He is my rock, and I had to be the same for him. He told me repeatedly how much he loved me. I was truly excited. I mean, the awful wait before the wait was FINALLY over. Bring on these next 24 months. They don't scare me (too much.) As he was stepping foot onto the MTC grounds, my mom and I pulled into the parking lot of the Seattle temple. Talk about comfort. The Lord was with us both that day, and I couldn't be more grateful.

This chalkboard countdown is helping me keep sane. If I didn't have something as cheesy as this, I wouldn't be able to annoy you all at the beginning of every month-- duh!

I also love making him packages, but since he's in Russia, I sent the big, creative ones to him while he was in the Provo MTC. Here are a couple:

The "Greenie" Package

Included: Basically everything green I could possibly find (Apple Rings, Certs, a tie, etc.)

The "Valentine's Day" Package

Included: Hershey's Hugs and Kisses (aww!), heart shaped Reese's, a bunch of other candy, a teeny tiny bottle of my favorite perfume, cards/ letters, a red tie (not shown) and an adorable pink kitty. (I was hoping to embarrass him in front of the guys, but my plan apparently fell through. He carried it with him in his carry on bags, and sleeps with it every night. That boy has no shame.)

The "You Are My Sunshine" Package

Included: All things red, orange, yellow, and "hot" (peach rings, Red Hots, Lemon Lime Gatorade, a yellow tie.)

Most recently I sent him a package with a scarf, a ring, and a pocket watch. 

""Because I have been given much, I too must give..."
--Hymn 219--

Eternally yours, -K-"

(personalizationmall.com, $49.95)

"Michael~Kortney"
|Infinity symbol between the names-- adore this!|

(Aloha Rings-- Etsy.com, ~$22)

We are having to much FUN in this adventure! I always love sharing what we're up to, it definitely helps the time seem to go faster! I'm so excited to see where all of this takes us. I only love him more and more everyday. He makes me so proud! He's serving a righteous mission, and teaching all those beautiful people of Russia some amazing truth. He works hard, and will only excel in all he does. 

Love you, Elder McCallum!! 

Eternally yours, -K-

The Awkward Introduction.

I have somehow convinced myself to start this blog all over again. I may not always be sure what to write, so bear with me! So, here we go...

First things first: 

My name is Kortney. I'm from a small town in Northern (VERY northern) California. I was born and raised there for 18 years. After I graduated high school, I had no plans, and absolutely NO idea what I wanted to do with my life, so I moved up to Washington state with my family. But still, no plans for my future. I mean, I threw around the thought of becoming a nurse, but I hate blood, needles, and anything to do with a doctors office, so that was out. I pondered about being some sort of teacher, and quickly learned that I have very little patience with big groups of people, so, again, OUT. And when I finally came to the conclusion that I needed to play with my artistic side a bit, I signed up for cosmetology school, and, voila! Here I am today. Six months into the program, and a little less than a year to go. And I absolutely LOVE it. 

Enough about me? For now, yes.

Until next time, let's focus on someone far more important... This dude:

Our story is definitely different. Not one of those storybook, traditional, classic relationships:

Mike and I met online through a church website. 
I was just really bored one day, and just set up one of those accounts where it's $20 a month. Well, I was meeting people left and right, but they were so ridiculous. They were being... worldly, I guess you could say. Then one day (September 17, to be exact...) this one guy I had sent a "smile" to days before, and had looked at his profile (over, and over, and OVER again) had sent me a message. Now, let me tell you: I was literally about to delete my account that day. I had no luck, and I was just irritated that I had just spent $20 for nothing. And then I read his message, and I. Just. Knew. I don't know how else to explain it. I just knew he was the one. I had that feeling in my gut, in my heart, and in my mind. I just knew he was who I was meant to find. I feel as though the Lord knew I was feeling like I was never going to be loved. I feel like he He knew I was so frustrated, and out of prayers in this endeavor. And He showed me Mike. This handsome young man (2 years younger; I'm a cougar. I know,) who was in the Army, serving with the National Guard, and he shared my beliefs. I was all game.

Now, another thing: Mike lived in Las Vegas. Yeah, I know. I'm in Washington. How the heck was that supposed to work, right? Well, it obviously didn't matter, because in a matter of days, I was falling for this guy I've never met in person. We talked on the phone, through Skype, and through text every single day. The only way I didn't know him was by a physical touch: a hug, holding hands... But that didn't change anything for us. I was planning on going down mid- December, but plans fell through, and he left for his mission for our church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints; LDS; Mormon) on January 1, 2014 (the Russia Novosibirsk Mission.) That was it. I am in love with this man I have never met in person, and he's gone for 2 years. The only way I get to contact him is through handwritten letters, email once a week for 2 hours, and Skype twice a year. But, I didn't feel left. Yes, he was away, but he isn't "gone". He asked me to wait, and I felt that I had no other choice.

So, now, we are 4 months into the journey. He is away, growing into such an amazing man of God, and I am doing my best to be a daughter of God that he will want when he returns. We do plan on getting married. We've talked about it. We've prayed about it. We've fasted about it. We've done it all, and this is the life we want.

I have been blessed in this life. I know I have been. The Lord has given me things I never thought I deserved. I never thought I would deserve the love of such a righteous being, and yet, I can feel his love from over 5,000 miles away.

This is that amazing life of a Missionary Girlfriend.

"Distance teaches us to appreciate the days that we are able to spend together and distance taches us the definition of patience. It is a reminder that every moment together is special, and every second together should be cherished."

Eternally yours,

--K--